[Jim Gaffigan's silly voice:] Oh, she's going to hell for posting that one.

"My wife's really Catholic - she's like a Shiite Catholic."

"If you've never been to a Catholic Mass, that is the longest experience of your life. Makes you look forward to going to the DMV."

"My wife always wants me to go to confession. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't enjoy lying to a holy man."